Continuing my catch up on nvc-parenting archives, I paused again at Isabell Peters' poem. I'm trying to work out with what I feel connected, and which parts disconnect with me. (permission to share with others off-list, message 6532):
Don't obey me, my child
(Isabell Peters/2005)
Listen to me and open your heart
when I open mine
when I reveal myself to you
or indoctrinate you - then tell me
if you are irritated.
Should I say "you have to"
don't believe me, my child -
Just bear with me
when I know no other way.
When I think I know better
What's good for you
don't believe me -
just bear with me
when I seem to have no trust.
Listen to me and open your heart
when I open mine
even when I reveal myself
with lack of trust
with my pain
with my disorientation.
Never obey me, my child!
Yet follow me if your heart approves.
(Translation: Sara Hartmann)
Connection: "Yet follow me if your heart approves" - describes the desire I hold that my children might follow my instructions because those instructions are such that would meet my children's needs.
Disconnection: Actually, probably not disconnection, so much as my fear that the number of times my instructions may have been made with my own needs rather than the children's in mind may have created an inclination in them for lack of trust that my instruction would be worth following with approval.
Obedience, compliance... surely they are not needed if I have earned trust?
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